Rumblings beneath the Surface

It's 1:30a.m. and I am still wide awake. Not really sure why....I think it might have something to do with the restlessness of my heart that is making my mind and body that way. Not really sure what it is all about exactly. I just know what it is doing to me. It is making me discontent, insecure, frustrated, angry, annoyed....

I want to slap it around and tell it how I feel so that it will leave me alone. I want to not care. I want it to not matter. I want it to stop making these rumblings beneath the surface. When did I give it permission to keep me up at night? Maybe when it found a friend or two to help it slap me around....to laugh at my face, to make fun of me, to say things behind my back but really I heard it all. And then it turns around, as if i didn't see anything, and wants to be my friend and parade around as if it cares....but really it will move on to another heart and just leave me trying to figure out what happened.